Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Midlife Transition

Step Into Your Wise Woman

For us women, growing older certainly has its challenges. There's a whole lot of things to deal with. Being bombarded by the media from every angle doesn't make it any easier. Ignore it. Life goes on, we fall in love, we fall out of love, some of us have children, have careers go travelling, play sport.... or not then before you know it, it happens.

Those few cute little 'laugh lines' have turned into deep ruts, your crinkles have become wrinkles, there's saggy bums or worse still, a dinner plate arse from years of sitting down in a 'job'. Then there's the floppy boobs whose nipples now point to the ground and then there is the definite thickening of our bodies in weird places. That's just the stuff we can see, on the outside of our bodies! There's another mine field happening in our heads as we attempt to go through the hormone horror stretch.

It all seems to happen so quickly, doesn't it? One day we're skipping down the road with our little playmates and then bang, it's grey hair. Just recently I caught a reflection of an older woman and wondered who she was. It was me! I'm an older woman. Did I miss a section of my life? The transition from youthful to "middle aged" can be a little traumatic, a little confusing and definitely takes time for the adjustment. Suddenly it's not even okay to wear the same clothes, anymore, like that weeny mini you used to love to flit around in.

And even if you still went ahead and wore it, someone, somewhere would have a coronary.The upside to all of this is that getting older can be absolutely, the most freeing time of your life. It's the time that you can really get to know who you are. It's the chapter of your life when you become courageous enough to finally say goodbye to yourself as the girl and step into true powerful womanhood. It's the time that you can be outrageous as you like and most likely not worry about what anyone else thinks... They just think that you're an eccentric old dear! I love it!

Growing older has a whole 'other' wonderful side to it that is not often written about or acknowledged. It's the side that allows us, the possibility of developing into a more gentle soul, a wise matriarch, bringing out our loving, mellow nature and helps us to know that we have the potential to blossom with vibrancy till the day we die. If we allow it, we are, like the older vine which grows upon the trellis. It may look a little woody but it still has the ability to produce an abundance of spectacular flowers. Our colors need not diminish and like the flowers on the vine, our delicate scent need not fade.

Now is the time to cultivate these unique aspects of ourselves and understand that with age comes a wisdom that is born of many years on Earth. Now is the time to step into that wisdom and loving oneself, body, mind and spirit is the key to eternal youthfulness. A very special, youthful glow prevails in women who make a decision to grow old gracefully and courageously. So go ahead, take the time to really get to know yourself and above all, be how you want to be. Live YOUR life.

Rensina van den Heuvel lives on a remote property in North Queensland Australia. She travels as much as she can and writes articles when at home. Rensina has written and just published her first book. Russian Documents... Mongolian Dust is a non fiction travel adventure about a 21,000 klm overland journey from Australia to Switzerland in a Land Rover. Rensina and her partner run expeditions in Mongolia and Outback Australia.

Check out our website http://www.wilderness-agencies.com.au.

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Midlife Transition

Someone asked me the other day why I refuse to refer to the transition that occurs for most women in midlife as a "crisis." While it's true that the word "crisis" means a crucial or decisive point or situation, or a turning point, it also has about it an air of instability and upheaval. There's a negative connotation to the word, which perpetuates the stereotype of women being emotional and irrational. While both men and women experience the inevitability of midlife, it's largely women who are branded with the super-charged "C" word.

I'm more comfortable with "midlife transition" or "midlife awakening" or any phrase that allows women to embrace in a more positive way what it means to age. Midlife transforms you from the person you were to the person you were meant to be. It's a new birth, a new beginning, an opportunity to pursue dreams and goals that were neatly tucked away in the "someday" file we kept in the back of our minds while we raised our children or launched our careers, or both.

It's like an automatic "do-over" when you hit midlife (not that we'd necessarily want to redo our lives up to this point). It's a take stock, take no prisoners exhumation of the soul, which if done with courage and exacting honesty, enables us to pull out that "someday" file and sift through the dreams, aspirations and goals that are ripe for implementation now.

I can think of so many women in my life who have rummaged through their own private "someday" file and are leading more authentic lives: a former colleague who turned down a promotion to have more time with her family; a friend who forfeited a steady income to launch a new business; another who started a family at 45; still another who went back to school to earn her PhD at 65.

It's a heady time for midlife women. We can be grandmothers in our 40s or be first-time moms. We can be launching new businesses or reaching the pinnacle of our career trajectory. We have so many opportunities that our mothers never had, largely because of the struggle we engaged in to redefine women's roles, and the way in which we kicked to the curb the rules about what women should and shouldn't do.

When I think of my own experience with navigating the transition from my late 30s through my 40s, "crisis" is not the word that comes to mind (although I'm guessing that family and friends don't necessarily agree with that statement). The journey was a bit rocky, but largely because I wouldn't get out of my own way and let go of all the outdated beliefs I had about myself. Once I turned off those old, worn out tapes I was able to access my "someday" file and create this new, increasingly more authentic chapter of my life.

After a lifetime of being all things to all people, I felt the call of something deeper and I connected with my purpose and deep intention for my life. Because we don't live in a vacuum, I felt the external twists and turns, and shifts in perspective that come with any major life transition, but for the most part, the transition was an internal one. It was a long last look at the life I had led. It was a journey of gratitude and appreciation for where I had been, and it became an invitation to where I had yet to go. At the end of all the reflection, I made an offering to myself to open up to another way, another life that rings more true to the woman I am in this moment. My next transition involves a search for significance, an expedition to uncover the wealth of the self, a rite of passage to my highest purpose and to a life that is as unique as my fingerprint.

As Founder & CEO of Evelyn Kalinosky LLC, Evelyn specializes in helping C-suite and senior-level women executives 40 and older achieve a more sacred kind of success. For these women, the desire to play a bigger game requires a strong profit motive, but making money is no longer the goal. The goal is a search for significance, a journey to uncover the wealth of the self, a rite of passage to their highest purpose, and to a life that is as unique as their fingerprint.

Evelyn is currently writing a book about women navigating in and through midlife. She is a speaker, consultant, published author and poet, and wayward traveler. Visit her at: http://www.evelynkalinosky.com.

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